Frugality without creativity is deprivation.
Amy Dacyczyn
Frugality has been a bust for me today -- this weekend we celebrated the kids' birthdays...not an easy time to be frugal :-) While we are not really into the exuberant regarding big gifts, we do like to bring together their friends to celebrate.
Sparing or scaling back the grandeur of the modern lifestyle is a challenge for me. I do have these long deep thoughts sometimes of simplifying, not purchasing so much, saving, scrimping...what have you. It helps that my personal need/desire for the material has decreased over the past few years as I find less and less pleasure in having "stuff"
The real challenge is making the transition from the easy decision of just wanting less to the difficult of actually cutting back what I feel I "need". To simply know that I am not driven to have more goodies does not make me frugal, it just means my desires have changed. To actually think of what it is I want and how to drive to using less, wasting less, making economical choices...now that is the hard. It really is not frugality if there is no sense of sacrifice.
Given that the whole weekend my wife and I have been providing birthdays parties for my children and their friends, it seemed an odd time to really focus on frugality. But then again, would it really have made a difference to the kids if we had spent $500 or $20 on the parties? Would their own desires and needs for "stuff" drive a feeling of disappointment?
It is my belief in creating The25Virtues list is that the virtues themselves should be pervasive in my life. That by intentionally focusing upon them, I would grow to be a more ethical, centered, peaceful individual. Frugality is going to be a tough nut to crack.
Tomorrow -- Generosity (ironic that it comes right after frugality, eh?)
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Faith
If you think you can win, you can win. Faith is necessary to victory.
William Hazlitt
Even though I have defined faith as being more than the faith linked to religion, I thought surely that a day where I was to focus upon faith would lead me down a spiritual path. A caveat -- there is absolutely nothing incorrect or inferior about basing faith solely around religious belief...I do not seek to insult anyone. What I found though was that the faith I needed and the faith I focused upon was of a much more simple breed.
I know that writing about faith could draw some fire. Even re-reading the paragraph I just wrote could be construed as my having a complete lack of understanding of what faith is. In essence, I think that actually is what faith is. Each of us is wired differently when it comes to the finer cognitive qualities of our brains. If we are true to our own unique faith, can anyone else really understand it? There is religion, and I am Taoist, the most non-faith of faiths (you see...even that could be misconstrued as insulting!). But when it comes down to it, does anyone else really see faith or any of these virtues exactly as I do...I think not.
Today I gained faith in a future job opportunity. I renewed faith in a friendship that I had not invested in for far too long. I found faith in the good nature of people I met on elevators. I watched a group of professionals with a difficult problem to solve recognize that the group just needed to keep on keeping on...in essence, have faith in the foundations that had been laid.
Faith is about the extra little ooomph that is needed to get from point A to point B...whatever those points represent. Some use doctrine or gospel, others use duct tape and glue...still others just believe one way or another, that things are just going to work out.
Leo
Next Virtue: Frugality
William Hazlitt
Even though I have defined faith as being more than the faith linked to religion, I thought surely that a day where I was to focus upon faith would lead me down a spiritual path. A caveat -- there is absolutely nothing incorrect or inferior about basing faith solely around religious belief...I do not seek to insult anyone. What I found though was that the faith I needed and the faith I focused upon was of a much more simple breed.
I know that writing about faith could draw some fire. Even re-reading the paragraph I just wrote could be construed as my having a complete lack of understanding of what faith is. In essence, I think that actually is what faith is. Each of us is wired differently when it comes to the finer cognitive qualities of our brains. If we are true to our own unique faith, can anyone else really understand it? There is religion, and I am Taoist, the most non-faith of faiths (you see...even that could be misconstrued as insulting!). But when it comes down to it, does anyone else really see faith or any of these virtues exactly as I do...I think not.
Today I gained faith in a future job opportunity. I renewed faith in a friendship that I had not invested in for far too long. I found faith in the good nature of people I met on elevators. I watched a group of professionals with a difficult problem to solve recognize that the group just needed to keep on keeping on...in essence, have faith in the foundations that had been laid.
Faith is about the extra little ooomph that is needed to get from point A to point B...whatever those points represent. Some use doctrine or gospel, others use duct tape and glue...still others just believe one way or another, that things are just going to work out.
Leo
Next Virtue: Frugality
Dignity
Dignity consists not in possessing honors, but in the consciousness that we deserve them.
-Aristotle
I found dignity as a Virtue to live by a bit easier than Courage... Again, I found it as a quality I saw in others and myself. It has been very gratifying to notice that while I am working to live a given virtue, I am seeing it all around me in the actions of others. It is indeed very heartening.
Dignity is tough for people as it sometimes comes across as arrogance...and the two can be a fine line. I beleive it is really important that a person have a sense of personal dignity, and to know what strengths are possessed. Self respect is the key to this virtue. Self respect in my mind has always meant that I am also showing/sharing that respect to people around me. To work off of the Aristotle Quotation, we should know what honors we hold, the personal value we have for ourselves, and know that we deserve such accolade.
Another aspect I discovered is how easy it is to lose dignity in the face of insult or conflict. If there is a person who can "push my buttons"; I will lose my sense of dignity and begin to "give in". I will forget to live my virtues and will become sort of this jelly like person who just agrees with the tormentors wishes. By focusing upon dignity throughout the day I found 2 things...
1. That I was able to deflect the tormentors
2. That I was able to instill a sense of dignity to people whom I would have otherwize not taken an interest.
Powerful stuff.
Next Virtue -- Faith.
Leo
-Aristotle
I found dignity as a Virtue to live by a bit easier than Courage... Again, I found it as a quality I saw in others and myself. It has been very gratifying to notice that while I am working to live a given virtue, I am seeing it all around me in the actions of others. It is indeed very heartening.
Dignity is tough for people as it sometimes comes across as arrogance...and the two can be a fine line. I beleive it is really important that a person have a sense of personal dignity, and to know what strengths are possessed. Self respect is the key to this virtue. Self respect in my mind has always meant that I am also showing/sharing that respect to people around me. To work off of the Aristotle Quotation, we should know what honors we hold, the personal value we have for ourselves, and know that we deserve such accolade.
Another aspect I discovered is how easy it is to lose dignity in the face of insult or conflict. If there is a person who can "push my buttons"; I will lose my sense of dignity and begin to "give in". I will forget to live my virtues and will become sort of this jelly like person who just agrees with the tormentors wishes. By focusing upon dignity throughout the day I found 2 things...
1. That I was able to deflect the tormentors
2. That I was able to instill a sense of dignity to people whom I would have otherwize not taken an interest.
Powerful stuff.
Next Virtue -- Faith.
Leo
Courage
Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace.
Amelia Erhart
I spent today seeking out opportunities to be courageous...to take the risk, the push myself past an established boundary. Courage is about the quality of mind or spirit to take on a challenge, and adversity with peace of mind. It is truth in conviction -- living one's values even when that is really hard.
If we all lived with courage, if we all lived our convictions in the tough times, I think the world would certainly be a more tangible, readable thing. Less hidden agendas, less game playing, less mystery and a whole lot of politicians out of work - or perhaps they would get into the business of solving real problems.
I digress, and that is because I found it difficult to be courageous. I could not find the magic moment today to show my courage. I wonder as I commit to living a virtue per day, will I find that many are hard to make tangible? At the very least, focusing on courage allowed me to see it more around me. My daughter playing Wii Fitness and taking a chance on a yoga pose when physical balance is a major challenge for her. She sweat it out, worked hard and acted courageous.
Then there is Willow, the new member of the family. An adopted greyhound who seems so totally depressed to me. She had to leave her family of over a year...a married couple with a 10 year old daughter. I think she is sad that she is not seeing her old family. Even though she is not choosing to be courageous, I have given her that quality -- courage to take on a new family of strangers.
The virtues live all around us, and I do believe that by focusing on them, life becomes more of a manifestation of them.
Tomorrow's Virtue...Dignity.
Amelia Erhart
I spent today seeking out opportunities to be courageous...to take the risk, the push myself past an established boundary. Courage is about the quality of mind or spirit to take on a challenge, and adversity with peace of mind. It is truth in conviction -- living one's values even when that is really hard.
If we all lived with courage, if we all lived our convictions in the tough times, I think the world would certainly be a more tangible, readable thing. Less hidden agendas, less game playing, less mystery and a whole lot of politicians out of work - or perhaps they would get into the business of solving real problems.
I digress, and that is because I found it difficult to be courageous. I could not find the magic moment today to show my courage. I wonder as I commit to living a virtue per day, will I find that many are hard to make tangible? At the very least, focusing on courage allowed me to see it more around me. My daughter playing Wii Fitness and taking a chance on a yoga pose when physical balance is a major challenge for her. She sweat it out, worked hard and acted courageous.
Then there is Willow, the new member of the family. An adopted greyhound who seems so totally depressed to me. She had to leave her family of over a year...a married couple with a 10 year old daughter. I think she is sad that she is not seeing her old family. Even though she is not choosing to be courageous, I have given her that quality -- courage to take on a new family of strangers.
The virtues live all around us, and I do believe that by focusing on them, life becomes more of a manifestation of them.
Tomorrow's Virtue...Dignity.
Compassion
"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion, If you want to be happy, practice compassion."
The Dalai Lama
My family had an addition to the family on December 31 in the form of an adopted Greyhound named Willow. She is a beautiful animal with the kinds of lines only Mother Nature could have created. Sleek, graceful, and focused...a truly unbelievable animal. The first night was a real challenge. Willow had been with a family for over a year when because of divorce, she was turned back into the Grayhound kennel.
I like dogs, and I wanted Willow to be a great part of the family...but then some things began to go a bit wrong. She was not accustomed to the new wood floors we just invested heavily into and found herself slipping and sliding, trying to find good footing. As a result, she gouged the floors pretty badly...with every step was a new deep groove in our perfect floors. Willow also obviously had not been around stairs for some time and the numerous staircases, one made of the same slippery hardwood mentioned before. Additionally, she seemed intensely annoyed by our 2 cats, and was very jumpy. Given that it was new years eve, many people in houses around us were lighting fireworks in celebration...each bang bang pow resulting in a panicked pooch. In one case in her nervousness she dug into my forearm as she was trying to find footing...the scratch is still prominent as I type.
I went to bed defeated -- feeling sure that the new dog was not going to make it in our home and that we would need to return her. I felt I needed to find the right balance and limit for my family and property. I fell asleep knowing we would try another day, but quite honestly felt that we were dog failures.
When I woke up this morning, I set out to honor my commitment to live one of the 25 virtues each day this year. Today was compassion, which was completely needed. I retooled my thinking. I watched Willow early in the day and tried hard to understand the situation from her perspective. I noticed that the more I led her firmly but gently, the more she responded. I recognized also that she likes to rest frequently and that we really had not given her the sleep she needed the day prior.
As a family, we laid out blankets and towels so that she could have pathways throughout the house, making exploring and safety easier to come by. We also worked with her repeatedly to get used of the stairwells in our house. Finally, instead of leading her around the backyard to go to the bathroom, I gave her freedom (we have a completely 6ft enclosed and safe back yard).
The more I really tried to be compassionate to Willow's needs, the more I felt my resentment and defeatist attitude fading. I began to grow hopeful, and I found that my actions and instincts were stronger, more confident, and more successful. My wife actually commented late in the day that she noticed that my entire attitude about Willow had changed, and now she felt hopeful that everything was going to work out.
I like to think of myself as a compassionate soul, but in this time of discomfort and stress, I found that I had lost sight of my compassion. By focusing upon it, I was able to turn a very disparaging and negative perspective into one of understanding and patience.
Tomorrow's Virtue...Courage.
The Dalai Lama
My family had an addition to the family on December 31 in the form of an adopted Greyhound named Willow. She is a beautiful animal with the kinds of lines only Mother Nature could have created. Sleek, graceful, and focused...a truly unbelievable animal. The first night was a real challenge. Willow had been with a family for over a year when because of divorce, she was turned back into the Grayhound kennel.
I like dogs, and I wanted Willow to be a great part of the family...but then some things began to go a bit wrong. She was not accustomed to the new wood floors we just invested heavily into and found herself slipping and sliding, trying to find good footing. As a result, she gouged the floors pretty badly...with every step was a new deep groove in our perfect floors. Willow also obviously had not been around stairs for some time and the numerous staircases, one made of the same slippery hardwood mentioned before. Additionally, she seemed intensely annoyed by our 2 cats, and was very jumpy. Given that it was new years eve, many people in houses around us were lighting fireworks in celebration...each bang bang pow resulting in a panicked pooch. In one case in her nervousness she dug into my forearm as she was trying to find footing...the scratch is still prominent as I type.
I went to bed defeated -- feeling sure that the new dog was not going to make it in our home and that we would need to return her. I felt I needed to find the right balance and limit for my family and property. I fell asleep knowing we would try another day, but quite honestly felt that we were dog failures.
When I woke up this morning, I set out to honor my commitment to live one of the 25 virtues each day this year. Today was compassion, which was completely needed. I retooled my thinking. I watched Willow early in the day and tried hard to understand the situation from her perspective. I noticed that the more I led her firmly but gently, the more she responded. I recognized also that she likes to rest frequently and that we really had not given her the sleep she needed the day prior.
As a family, we laid out blankets and towels so that she could have pathways throughout the house, making exploring and safety easier to come by. We also worked with her repeatedly to get used of the stairwells in our house. Finally, instead of leading her around the backyard to go to the bathroom, I gave her freedom (we have a completely 6ft enclosed and safe back yard).
The more I really tried to be compassionate to Willow's needs, the more I felt my resentment and defeatist attitude fading. I began to grow hopeful, and I found that my actions and instincts were stronger, more confident, and more successful. My wife actually commented late in the day that she noticed that my entire attitude about Willow had changed, and now she felt hopeful that everything was going to work out.
I like to think of myself as a compassionate soul, but in this time of discomfort and stress, I found that I had lost sight of my compassion. By focusing upon it, I was able to turn a very disparaging and negative perspective into one of understanding and patience.
Tomorrow's Virtue...Courage.
Concerns regarding the word Affinity
I received feedback today from a survey taker about their dislike of the term affinity in thinking about the virtues. To clarify things a tad, I tested my own assumptions and went to dictionary.com to re-read the definition of the word.
With full respect to every person's unique perspective, I feel the definition fits very well. I do realize now that I will need to have to take some time in the book to define out affinity :-)
af⋅fin⋅i⋅ty /əˈfɪnɪti/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [uh-fin-i-tee] Show IPA noun, plural -ties., adjective
Use affinity in a Sentence
–noun
1. a natural liking for or attraction to a person, thing, idea, etc.
2. a person, thing, idea, etc., for which such a natural liking or attraction is felt.
3. relationship by marriage or by ties other than those of blood (distinguished from consanguinity ).
4. inherent likeness or agreement; close resemblance or connection.
5. Biology. the phylogenetic relationship between two organisms or groups of organisms resulting in a resemblance in general plan or structure, or in the essential structural parts.
6. Chemistry. the force by which atoms are held together in chemical compounds.
–adjective
7. of or pertaining to persons who share the same interests: to arrange charter flights for opera lovers and other affinity groups.
Origin:
1275–1325; ME affinite < MF < L affīnitās connection by marriage. See affine, -ity
Synonyms:
1. partiality, fondness; sympathy, leaning, bent. 4. similarity, compatibility.
With full respect to every person's unique perspective, I feel the definition fits very well. I do realize now that I will need to have to take some time in the book to define out affinity :-)
af⋅fin⋅i⋅ty /əˈfɪnɪti/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [uh-fin-i-tee] Show IPA noun, plural -ties., adjective
Use affinity in a Sentence
–noun
1. a natural liking for or attraction to a person, thing, idea, etc.
2. a person, thing, idea, etc., for which such a natural liking or attraction is felt.
3. relationship by marriage or by ties other than those of blood (distinguished from consanguinity ).
4. inherent likeness or agreement; close resemblance or connection.
5. Biology. the phylogenetic relationship between two organisms or groups of organisms resulting in a resemblance in general plan or structure, or in the essential structural parts.
6. Chemistry. the force by which atoms are held together in chemical compounds.
–adjective
7. of or pertaining to persons who share the same interests: to arrange charter flights for opera lovers and other affinity groups.
Origin:
1275–1325; ME affinite < MF < L affīnitās connection by marriage. See affine, -ity
Synonyms:
1. partiality, fondness; sympathy, leaning, bent. 4. similarity, compatibility.
Virtue Ratings
Greetings,,,
I have created a rating structure to report overall participant value for each virtue. The Virtue Rating is the sum of all who ranked the virtue as having “Deep/Vital” or “Strong” affinity. Below is the list as of May 22, 2009.
RESPECT (90.5% Virtue Rating)
INTEGRITY (88.1% Virtue Rating)
LOVE (88.1% Virtue Rating)
COMPASSION (86.4% Virtue Rating)
HONESTY (85.6% Virtue Rating)
KINDNESS (84.9% Virtue Rating)
LOYALTY (82.5% Virtue Rating)
WISDOM (73.8 Virtue Rating)
PEACE (73.4% Virtue Rating)
GENEROSITY (69.8% Virtue Rating)
JUSTICE (67% Virtue Rating)
PERSEVERANCE ( 66.7% Virtue Rating)
JOY (61.9% Virtue Rating)
HOPE (61.1% Virtue Rating)
DIGNITY (60.8% Virtue Rating)
COURAGE (56.4% Virtue Rating)
PATIENCE (48.4% Virtue Rating)
FAITH (47.2% Virtue Rating)
MERCY (46% Virtue Rating)
HUMILITY (40.5% Virtue Rating)
TEMPERANCE (27.3% Virtue Rating)
MODERATION (26.2% Virtue Rating)
FRUGALITY (24.6% Value Rating)
RESTRAINT (24.1% Virtue Rating)
PRUDENCE (20.7% Virtue Rating)
I have created a rating structure to report overall participant value for each virtue. The Virtue Rating is the sum of all who ranked the virtue as having “Deep/Vital” or “Strong” affinity. Below is the list as of May 22, 2009.
RESPECT (90.5% Virtue Rating)
INTEGRITY (88.1% Virtue Rating)
LOVE (88.1% Virtue Rating)
COMPASSION (86.4% Virtue Rating)
HONESTY (85.6% Virtue Rating)
KINDNESS (84.9% Virtue Rating)
LOYALTY (82.5% Virtue Rating)
WISDOM (73.8 Virtue Rating)
PEACE (73.4% Virtue Rating)
GENEROSITY (69.8% Virtue Rating)
JUSTICE (67% Virtue Rating)
PERSEVERANCE ( 66.7% Virtue Rating)
JOY (61.9% Virtue Rating)
HOPE (61.1% Virtue Rating)
DIGNITY (60.8% Virtue Rating)
COURAGE (56.4% Virtue Rating)
PATIENCE (48.4% Virtue Rating)
FAITH (47.2% Virtue Rating)
MERCY (46% Virtue Rating)
HUMILITY (40.5% Virtue Rating)
TEMPERANCE (27.3% Virtue Rating)
MODERATION (26.2% Virtue Rating)
FRUGALITY (24.6% Value Rating)
RESTRAINT (24.1% Virtue Rating)
PRUDENCE (20.7% Virtue Rating)
More Data!!
Thank you all for participating thus far in The25Virtues Survey. The response has been diverse and I am still seeing 3-4 new surveys completed per day. Please continue to forward to Friends, Family, and Colleagues.
Also, if you did not copy down your Virtues and their definitions and would like me to send them to you, please e-mail me at leo@evergreen3.com and I will be happy to retrieve and send.
As of April 23, 2009
They survey has been completed by181 participants.
Participants come from the following countries: USA, Canada, Great Britain
Participants come from 28 of the United States.
The age range of participants is: 15-74.
68% of the participants are Female.
32% of the participants are Male.
Participants represent 24 distinct career/occupational areas.
Participants represent all of the categorized racial/cultural areas.
Thank you all again for supporting my research!
Leo
Also, if you did not copy down your Virtues and their definitions and would like me to send them to you, please e-mail me at leo@evergreen3.com and I will be happy to retrieve and send.
As of April 23, 2009
They survey has been completed by181 participants.
Participants come from the following countries: USA, Canada, Great Britain
Participants come from 28 of the United States.
The age range of participants is: 15-74.
68% of the participants are Female.
32% of the participants are Male.
Participants represent 24 distinct career/occupational areas.
Participants represent all of the categorized racial/cultural areas.
Thank you all again for supporting my research!
Leo
The top 5
Greetings!
Here are the top 5 Virtues for all respondents, Female only, and Male only:
The Top 5 Virtues - All Respondents:
1. Love
2. Respect
3. Integrity
4. Compassion
5. Honesty
The top 5 Virtues – Females Only:
1. Love
2. Compassion
3. Integrity
4. Loyalty
5. Respect
The top 5 Virtues – Males Only:
1. Loyalty
2. Integrity
3. Hope
4. Perseverance
5. Compassion
I am definitely struck by the differences between Male and Female. Most interesting is the difference in where Love ranks in all 3. In the all up list, Love is number one as it is in the females only. For Males, Love does come in close as the 6th Virtue, however. I plan to look at the ways in which these values are defined differently by the sexes. I am also curious about the strength of Loyalty in the Males only grouping. Over 1/2 of male respondents state Loyalty as a Deep/Vital Virtue.
I look forward to reading responses to this data!
Leo
Here are the top 5 Virtues for all respondents, Female only, and Male only:
The Top 5 Virtues - All Respondents:
1. Love
2. Respect
3. Integrity
4. Compassion
5. Honesty
The top 5 Virtues – Females Only:
1. Love
2. Compassion
3. Integrity
4. Loyalty
5. Respect
The top 5 Virtues – Males Only:
1. Loyalty
2. Integrity
3. Hope
4. Perseverance
5. Compassion
I am definitely struck by the differences between Male and Female. Most interesting is the difference in where Love ranks in all 3. In the all up list, Love is number one as it is in the females only. For Males, Love does come in close as the 6th Virtue, however. I plan to look at the ways in which these values are defined differently by the sexes. I am also curious about the strength of Loyalty in the Males only grouping. Over 1/2 of male respondents state Loyalty as a Deep/Vital Virtue.
I look forward to reading responses to this data!
Leo
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